Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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