I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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