i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have demons in me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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