oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
