"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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