It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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