So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
