goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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