Is it normal to miss your booty call?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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