I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All the doctor said was why
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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