All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
