I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
