I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
