Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think your dad took our porno
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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