i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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