I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
