i already hear my dad disowning me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
