so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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