but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
