You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
