If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
