I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
