I'm gonna have a badass scar
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
