I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
