My sheets look like a crime scene.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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