She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
