I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
