My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
