i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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