I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
