he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
