your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
