Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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