The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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