Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
