It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
