Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
