If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
