It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
