i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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