My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
