Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
