I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
