At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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