If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
this boner is exhausting
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
