god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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