I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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