So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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