im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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