Just fell off a train. Bad.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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