do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
bring money and cleavage
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
