Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
