he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
