my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
