maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
