Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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