Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
