We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
