Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
