If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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