I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!