Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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