bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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