M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
